Please enjoy the below excerpt from my book, Hear These Truths, available now at the link below and everywhere books are sold.
Excerpt from
Preparation
Here’s The Truth….
Preparation is undervalued and improperly used.
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The lesson learned was the importance of acceptance. You must hear what others are telling you, because most people don’t talk for no reason at all. The truth is hard to hear but needs to be said and heard. The truth you see in the mirror is flawed because it’s your view of the truth. A version your mind wants you to see. It’s not being honest with you—mirrors never are. I’m talking about the actual truth. The honesty that hurts at first but deep down lights a fire, fueling the heart and mind. Truths that keep you humble and grounded. Although truths hurt to hear, they’re the words we need. A wise man can do a lot of good with truths.
“Truth exists. Falsehoods have to be invented.”
-Georges Braque
Don’t be afraid of those truths. Admit your faults and flaws because not everyone is going to be that honest with you. I told my wife one day, “I care for you enough to hurt your feelings when necessary. Because you can do more with the truth than you can with the lies.” You need people around you who will make you better and will do the things necessary to do
just that. It’s not glamorous at all, but it is necessary. I won’t take credit for her success, but some of our best talks came when she doubted herself the most. A hug and reassurance help to soothe the soul, but it jades the mind. I always let her know I was there to support her, but I never held back the truth. Maybe sugarcoated it a little so it was easier to hear, but I never kept from her what I thought would make her better. And she is an excellent physician.
The worst thing you can tell yourself is, “I’m the man.” It’s bullshit. It’s not even close to the truth. Simply an automatic response from your brain when you need it. Naturally we try to protect ourselves, so we say and think things to pump ourselves up. So we end up not telling ourselves the truth for fear of breaking us down further. Instead, we lie to ourselves to obtain false security and confidence.
Why worry about hurting your own feelings? You’ve got nothing to lose by telling yourself the truth. At that point, the only person to be mad at is yourself, and you better get over that quick. Look in the mirror and say it out loud. That’s what I had to do at one point. I couldn’t hear the subtle truths from others, so I had to crush my own soul to get it through my thick head (my wife says I’m stubborn). My brain was so busy trying to protect myself from being hurt that it would never hear the truth. Nobody around me was being direct, so I had to say it out loud, in the mirror, staring at myself.
I repeated it multiple times. Each time I stood closer to the mirror and analyzed what I was saying and seeing. After saying it several times, I heard it in someone else’s voice. It sunk in, breaking the protective barrier. I can vividly remember it. And it changed my life.
My entire outlook on life changed. It was the first step in becoming something greater. Relieved, like someone had lifted an enormous weight off my shoulders. I was so busy
trying to protect myself and justify my actions. But in doing so, I wasn’t protecting myself from getting hurt. I was stopping the truth from ever taking hold.
In the pages to follow, I’ll explain my concept behind truthful, honest, and humbling leadership. Although it won’t be perfect, it will be damn-near, as my father would say. And for me, damn-near is pretty damn good. I took this concept of honest leadership and built it into a philosophy, a purpose, and a vision.
“Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible.”
-Jonathan Swift
While studying for my bachelor’s degree in computer science, I heard the term algorithm. I didn’t know it then, but my studies of computers and networks would eventually help me build a philosophy on leadership.
But first, before we start, we must understand how to build ourselves. Preparing is all in taking the time to read the landscape, take a few deep breaths, and focus your mind on the task at hand. The place you start doesn’t matter—what matters is that you start.
I built this concept to fit like an algorithm, which we will talk more in depth on soon. It’s a journey to find a comprehensive understanding of your own thoughts and beliefs. Simon Sinek, who preached brilliantly that you need to find your “why,” absolutely inspired my development of this leadership algorithm, and I give him massive credit for inspiring me.
So what is an algorithm? An algorithm is a set of rules to obtain an expected output, as shown in the diagram below. Later on, we’ll go into deeper detail what an algorithm is, but for now, save this snapshot into your memory.
I built my algorithm off of my mission, vision, and purpose. I defined these three things using an Ikigai, a Japanese concept meaning “reason of being.” This reason of being is essentially why you get up in the morning. Many people would assume that the reason you get up every morning is for money, because money pays the bills. Bills mean food, warmth, and transportation, and require money to have them. Jobs provide money, and without a job, there’s no money. No money can equal no food, warmth, or transportation, and that doesn’t sound like much fun. Money rules, but it is also just physical. There is a monetary value to it, but not an emotional value. Why you wake up is deeper than money. Money is a byproduct of success, and success is a byproduct of purpose. This understanding defines how you think, feel, and view life. It should be deeper than money.
We spend our lives working for money because that is what we’ve been taught to do. It’s a must. But it is not everything. There is a greater purpose, something that drives you to work for money. Finding it gives you a deeper understanding of why you chase the dollar. Once you find that deeper meaning, you realize that your money works for you; you don’t work for it.
The above Ikigai as my purpose, also known as my “why.” Simon Sinek breaks down your “why” in his brilliant book, Start with Why, and record-breaking Ted Talk. It is such groundbreaking stuff that I read the book twice, and I’ve watched the Ted Talk a million times.
Instead of using that exact formula here, I went with the Ikigai. Why? Well, because for me it’s easier to explain. To start, you just have to define your 1) mission, 2) vision, and 3) goals. Together, those form your purpose and create a purpose statement. When I developed this for myself, I just wrote a paragraph of my thoughts. I used the Ikigai because I’m a visual person, and I could visually tear parts out of the paragraph and place them in the diagram. An old military term we used to use was KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid), so keeping it simple and breaking it down with a visual helped me understand it better. Do it however you want, but those three things above are what you need.
“Success is where persistence meets preparation.”